


Emotions just don't lie.

by szvms



Category: Football RPF
Genre: M/M, Self-Acceptance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-10
Updated: 2014-08-10
Packaged: 2018-02-12 15:28:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2115078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/szvms/pseuds/szvms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basti spends some time alone, pondering over his private life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Emotions just don't lie.

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my native language, so please be understanding to all mistakes I've made.  
> That's also my first fanfiction in English, so I hope it's not that bad. :)

Basti’s back. His apartment in München has already welcomed him in a cozy way, letting him rest in the king-sized bed, listening to soft r&b songs and thinking. Mainly about what has already happened in his life during ten years. He feels like it’s the right time to organize his private life and start enjoying it since the time has been so unrelenting.

_It's like....so hard to explain, because I've never paid attention to such things. I've been just living the moment and never looked back. It was always my thing, right? On the one hand, I'm mad at myself for not controlling the situation. On the other hand, I'm here now, acting like a lovesick guy and...enjoying that moment. Let me get this straight. Ten years of endless affection, admiration, fascination . All those feelings haven't gone unseen... By fans, journalists and our partners even, but it seems like both me and Lukas have been too busy to actually take care of something we've been growing together. I think that's fine. Yeah, that's totally fine._

_We are grown ass men right now... Well, I can't exactly call myself a mature man. I've been craving for his touch, attention, feelings. There has never been a time when I stopped wanting those things, even during our downs, because I've always known Luki wouldn't let me down. But I did... I let him down a couple of times, I seem to be the toxic one in our something-ship. I'm going to be honest right now, I'm afraid of what we have, what we share. I want it to work out, I really do, but never before had someone loved me that much and I've found out my problem is that I can't take it all. I'm not used to it. I'm not used to being loved. I'm not used to someone letting me know about their feelings towards my person every day. I feel like I'm not able to love somebody back in that strong way. I fear hurting Luki, but still I'm doing this by pushing him away. I’m still fucking hurting him, not wanting to actually do that. I’m a mess right now, I really am. Luki is the man, he always gives me the space…_

_Ibiza didn’t help me at all. I still don’t know why I chose to celebrate that way. There were a lot of my buddies and it was easy to forget about the world by drinking and almost doing the things I’d regret the rest of my life. Many hot girls, dancing right next to me, on the tables, whispering single words that made me want to have an one-night stand. Actually, there was that one girl I wanted to have in my hotel bed. I don’t really remember what she looked like, but I remember someone saying that she looked like Poldi… In that moment, I left her side and quickly headed to my hotel room, repeating “I’m too drunk for this shit”. Fortunately, guys were also too drunk to notice that I left._

_I was astonished by my own behavior, so I decided to check my twitter, to distract myself. And then I found that one tweet that changed something in me…_

_Hallo mein Hase, ich wünsche Dir alles Gute zum 30. Geburtstag...... @BSchweinsteiger #poldi #aha #HappyBirthdayBS_

_I felt like I’d drunk rectified spirit, I was choking so hard. Alcohol i.e. beer and vodka had already taken over me, so I quickly got emotional. I couldn’t believe in what I’d read. I thought I was going to faint in a second, but my body kept fighting. Actually, instead of fainting, I started sobbing a bit. I learnt how stupid my moves had been all this time and what an immature man I was. I decided to change while being completely wasted._

_And that’s how I got to that point where I want to turn into man who’s ready to love. It may sound cheesy, like a good footage for romantic movie, but the whole situation is important to me and my life actually depends on it. The more I think about it, the easier it is to imagine our life in normal situations like cooking, cleaning our house, playing playstation, walking down the street, going shopping, paying taxes… I know the whole thing is about settling down and I don’t mind, I really don’t as long as I’ve got Luki by my side. Why? Because we never get bored with each other. Routine was never our thing, even when Lukas became a father. The second thing is, opposites attract. We’re lucky to be two completely different humans, who enjoy sharing hobbies. And life._

> _I analyzed myself, I was buck wild_  
>  _Never thought about settling down_  
>  _But all the time I knew I was ready_  
>  _But not with all my friends around_

_Even that song is accurate right now… Either way, I think I should answer him. The damn tweet has been keeping me in the same place for too long. I don’t even know how to start, to call or to message him. I hope he’s not mad at me and still wants to talk after all. This time I won’t let him go. I should call him._  
 _Where’s that damn Iphone?! Oh, here it is. I’m getting way too much excited about that…_

_He’s not answering…I’ll leave him a voice mail._

_-Luki… I know you can hear me now so don’t even try to deny it. I need you right.here. Right.now. We’ve got to talk. No, wait. I NEED to tell you something. You know where I am._

_Oh, and the last thing...is that I want him to be happy. If he wishes to stay in London, I’ll be fine with it. I’m ready to respect all the choices he’ll make. However, I’m going to tell him I want him here. Or at least in Cologne, because I don’t want to be on hiatus anymore. It’ll be much easier to overcome my fears with him….and all the haters that are ready to try to ruin our life._  
 _He hasn’t answered yet. I’m well aware of the fact that he might be busy right now, but still I crave for his answer, because I know I fucked up so bad._

_Two hours and thirty songs later, I’m reading Lukas message._

_-Fine. Be right in a minute._

_I don’t have a time to react, when I hear footsteps getting closer to my apartment. It’s him. And the best part is that he knows the door is always open for him._

_-I knew you’d not last for too long…_

_He says, not even smiling at me. But, he can't hide his desire. It's shown in his blue eyes, which I 'm already addicted to. All I’m going to do is kiss him. Rough. Because I’m a Weltmeister. Because I’m ready. Because I can._

_He won’t ever say no._


End file.
